St. Pauli Girl

I've officially moved into my new place on Grand. It's a really cute condo with a jet stream bath tub! It's going to be really exciting living in the heart of the city I grew up in. Hopefully a job will follow... I had an interview last week for an education assistant position at the Korean Service Center. It sounded like a really great job although I had most of the qualifications, in the end the fact that I don't speak a lick of Korean hindered my chances. Needless to say, I didn't get the job. It just wasn't meant for me. I just have to keep a positive attitude that something will come along. As of right now I just need a steady income then I can spend my time doing a lot of the things that I love like writing, photography, reading (I plan to start a book club) and not feel guilty about it. I realize that I shouldn't feel guilty about doing things that make me happy but for the time being I know I need to focus the entirety of my energy on a job hunt. I might be doing some work again for New Moon. The identity of the magazine has changed a lot, with most everything being online. In the meantime it will be nice to be back in the publishing world again.

Ni Hao

A passage I stumbled upon from my journal in Qingdao, China:

As a couple days passed of settling in, my traveling buddy Sarah and I decided to find a quaint restaurant for lunch. We stumbled upon what mimicked a shack with a chinese symbol that we had come to learn meant "Restaurant". The inside, no bigger than a classroom, smelled of fresh fish clearly just caught from the ocean not four miles from where we stood. My immediate inclination was communicating in English was not going to be an easy one.

"Ni hao!" spoke the tiny smiling woman behind the fish counter.

"Ni hao!" Sarah and I timidly replied.

Through several hand gestures and sign language both parties came to the conclusion that a table for two was indeed what we wanted. As we opened our menus the only thing we could rely on were the pictures. We used what little Chinese we had learned in class, "pijio", or beer, being our favorite word of the day. Through another series of pointing and pantomiming with the waitress we proudly basked in our ability to communicate what we wanted. Little did we know lunch was not going to be so little.

Roughly 15 minutes later, in one fell swoop, a large pot of fish head soup, echoing a bucket of chum on a fisherman's boat, was laid before us. Both of us, jaw dropped, looked around at fellow patrons of this restaurant and keeled over laughing. Apparently the pictures were very deceiving as to what we actually ordered. Next came a bowl of rice big enough to feed the entirety of the restaurant. We continued to gawk as a pile of garlic stems (one of my favorite dishes) adorned the rest of our feast. We sat back not quite knowing if more was to come but after a few minutes we grabbed our chopsticks and dug in. This was not the first time we had fish head soup and it was certainly my favorite of all the dishes I tried. The meat is especially tasty within the cheeks, the Chinese cuisine is full of pleasant surprises.

After putting a miniscule dent in the dishes our fish head soup was poured in plastic bag and we walked out as if we were proudly leaving a pet store with a brand new beta fish. It was a moment we both vowed to share only in our memories as we both managed to forget our cameras. Shucks.

Fearing fear

I've cracked...I am officially reading a self-help book. Scary. I know. I always steered clear of that section of Barnes & Noble but for some reason I was drawn to "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I had a discussion with a friend the other day about fear. Fear can come in a lot of different forms. Fear of failure, fear of the unknowing, and something that surprised me while reading this book is the fear of succeeding. I've never really thought of it in those terms. Sometimes it's just as frightening to succeed at something than it would be to fail. I think there are most expectations placed on your shoulders when achieving your goal...the "what's next?" questions is brought up. I've read stories about the depression some people feel after reaching a goal such as receiving a PhD...they're at the top and aren't quite sure what's next.

A passion for people.

For some reason I had a hard time sleeping last night, I've got a lot on my mind and a lot of pressure on myself to figure everything out. I really don't think it's something that will happen over night. I started looking over my portfolio and damnit I have a lot of good stuff...I just need to start showing it off! My eye is most drawn to the photography and as soon as I start to get an income again I am saving up for an SLR camera. I think an investment will help to boost my morale as a photographer and I can share what my eye captures with you!

This is my favorite picture of the Chinese people that I captured during my time in China. The brightness of the sun shining on the elderly man's red coat lights up the smiling faces surrounding him. I was lucky enough to find the most genuine moment when all of the people were at their happiest. Photography isn't just just being able to line up the perfect shot but I believe there also must be a high level of instinct and timing (especially when it comes to people). The image captured here was immediately after he finished what I can only call a Chinese "rap", everyone was engrossed with what this 5 foot man had to say. Marvelous. It really is the little things.

A passion for people. I love to expose the special moments when people are at their most honest and sincere. As I was walking the streets of Edinburgh, Scotland, I came upon this manand his dog doing the simplest of acts: making a living. He, playing music. His dog, collecting the fruits. The dog's faithfulness to his owner was present and he knew the money that entered the hat he held in his mouth would eventually be traded in for food. They both did an equal share; teamwork. They trust each other. A sincere earned emotion.

This photo reminds me of the movie Once. If you haven't seen this wonderful film you should do so immediately. The music speaks for the story. Just like this photo speaks for their story.

While visiting Confucius Temple in Qufu, I spotted this little girl collecting empty bottles along the street. I attempted to give her money but she wouldn't accept it. I later learned in the Chinese culture, collecting recyclable bottles in exchange for money is a much more respectable form of living than begging for money. There was a maturity and obedience in her eyes that I've never seen in a girl of her age; an old soul. She held my hand as she followed us back to her mother with a bag full of bottles.

Taking a stab...

So. This is my first blog. I think the idea always scared me because as a writer I've really only kept personal stories for my journal...something most girls don't like to display for all the world to see (why do you think they sell a lock and key for those things?). But! I thought what the hell do I have to lose, maybe something creative will sprout in the process. So here I am...blogging my diary for all to see. Vulnerable? Yes. Willing? Hell yes.

At this time in my life I've come to a cross road. Most people will call it "the crossroad that leads into adulthood", and you wanna know another thing; it's fucking scary. It's a time when I should be grabbing life by the horns but sometimes I want to tell the bull to run like hell! A good or a bad thing, depending on which way you look at it I suppose. It's an interesting thing being in limbo. They say the hardest times are the times most soul searching begins. My life has always been encompassed in what I would like to call a journey because like most journey's not everything goes as planned, there are obstacles and hoops to jump through but it's the journey, not the destination, that molds us into who we are. I think an "obstacle" I'm faced with right now is pinning down exactly what it is I have a passion for. Although this is easy for some people, I find that I have entirely too many passions that I'm as distracted as a dog searching for his ball on the beach (thanks Otto :) I tend to love a lot of things and for some reason I find excuses for not following them and I'm tired of it. I hope in the progression of this blog that maybe I'll find out why. With a flip flop on one foot and a sneaker on the other, I am officially a passion seeker and I suppose you'll be going on this journey with me to find it.

Here we go!